Public Address - Radiation (Home)

Owhuku 2 | Feb 06, 2005 13:24

Good evening gentlemen, it is a pleasure to return to Owhuku. A year ago, I argued that all New Zealanders should have the same rights, regardless of race, creed, religion or hairstyle. This year, I am here to outline another threat to hard-working New Zealanders.

The Notional Party has uncovered a deeply entrenched system that provides too many handouts to those that least deserve them. I am of course talking about the C-list celebrities, fashionistas, PR trouts, ad company executives, media hacks, radio personalities, lingerie models, so-called "uber-high flying tele-types", "local stars", "chick-mag presenters" and the various lollygaggers, hangers-on and drummers who receive benefits above and beyond any that the ordinary New Zealander could hope to receive.

The types of benefits and freebies I'm talking about are wide and varied; clearly it's a gravy train that is careering out of control. Many of these people are long-term beneficiaries and have made a lifestyle decision in which they enjoy something for nothing – indeed that they should actually celebrate the fact.

Invitations to the opening nights of gala events, movies, theatrical performances, fundraisers, exhibitions and awards ceremonies; free clothing; free passes backstage to concerts and the like; free corporate boxes and tents; and even free holidays are not uncommon for this group of New Zealanders, as are promotional parties to launch anything from hair products to cars. Often these parties are little more than excuses to binge drink and behave in a manner that ordinary, decent New Zealanders find abhorrent.

Indeed, in some extreme cases, the beneficiaries of such largesse are actually paid by magazines to have weddings or babies. Even more incredibly, some media outlets celebrate the fact that there are a group of New Zealanders enjoying such a lifestyle – which may include free clothing, footwear, CDs and even alcohol – without having any discernable talents other than their ability to turn up and have their photos taken.

In a never-ending cycle of dependency, their exploits are documented by other beneficiaries in scandal sheets such as About Town and Metro, rubbing their good fortune in the faces of the tens of thousands of New Zealanders who work overtime or take second jobs.

We are sending absolutely the wrong signal to the next generation about what is needed to get ahead in life and are raising children who will think it is their birthright to receive free CDs and PlayStation games in the mail.

Worse, the past year has seen transparent attempts to disguise the real extent of the problem by shifting these benefit bludgers to another scheme – the so-called celebrity newspaper column – when in fact they have nothing useful to say to anyone and would be better engaged in community work. I do not deny that there are deserving columnists, but editors around the country have found themselves under pressure to approve such a transfer when in reality the beneficiaries do not meet the established standards of insight and talent that would entitle them to be paid money to share their thoughts. Shockingly, some of those to have taken advantage of this scheme are thought to be elected members of Parliament.

The Notional Party will move to reduce the numbers of people dependent on these handouts and take measures that will force those taking advantage of the system to actively pursue real jobs, such as designing underwear, presenting reality or home makeover television programmes or building inner-city apartments.

This would restore some much-needed dignity to those with limited skills and break the cycle of dependency for those with an addiction to this junket culture. In addition, we will move to stop the New Zealanders who have extra children and appear more than once in a woman's magazine.

Ordinary New Zealanders should have the same entitlements as these freeloaders and Notional will ensure that they receive what they deserve. A redistribution based on need not on fame or image will lead to increased self-esteem and self-confidence among ordinary New Zealanders, as well as real financial benefits when they offload their free stuff at Real Groovy or on trademe. Real Kiwi battlers, Notional has not forgotten you – if elected we pledge that there will be free stuff, parties with Deutz on tap and fashionable clothing for everyone.

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Don't fear the Reavers | Jan 31, 2005 15:18

Followers of Joss, I hope you're watching Firefly, the most fun to be had on television since, well, Angel. Last week's episode, written by Whedon, contained many excellent lines and general amusement. My favourite: "If you take sexual advantage of her you're going to burn in a very special level of Hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theatre."

Or how about: "I couldn't help it! She was all naked and … and … articulate!" Heh. (More quotes here.) There is some fan talk that Firefly is a little Angel-like. You know, there's a lot of fun to be had making the brooding vampire/captain uncomfortable and the Firefly characters are roughly parallel to the Angel characters. We'll never really know how Angel-y or otherwise it was going to get, owing to the fact that is was cancelled by Fox. But, depending on how well Serenity the movie goes, there might be a trilogy – here's an interview with Alan Tudyk, who plays Wash, and was also the robot in I, Robot. Also, Whedon and the entire cast of Serenity turned up at the San Diego Comic Con and there's lots of geek fun to be had here.

The amazing thing is the level of adulation that Whedon inspires – not just the fans. Casts and crew invariably rave about his genius/how they'll never have another role like this one/how much they cried when the show ended. Like Peter Jackson, Whedon seems to be very good at picking ensemble casts and he inspires loyalty of Jackson-like proportions. Peter Jackson and Joss Whedon at a dinner party – now there's a conversation I'd chew off my arm to hear.

You have to be on your toes to be a fan, you know. Tape at the ready every Tuesday night at 11.00pm (TV3). I can also recommend The Wire – that's Wednesday night at 11.30pm (TV2) or so. Warning: your intelligence not be insulted, so you may not immediately get all the characters/language/plot etc if you're coming into it cold. This Salon.com story gives a good explanation and also creator David Simon talks about the perpetual "war on drugs" in the US that he says has become a war on the underclass. He has some fascinating insights into what real cops think as well.

The writing is brilliant; according to Simon the show is a "sort of visual novel", a couple of weeks back there was a scene where the detectives investigated an old crime scene and the only word they uttered was "fuck" or variants of it ("Fuckity fuck fuck fuck"). I had a "what the hell did I just see?" moment, which is pretty rare.

So there's not a lot else on the box right now – but there's going to be. The big US series start soon, you know, ER, Nip/Tuck, Cold Case etc and some Brit ones like Spooks. TV3 has started promo-ing CSI: NY as well. Can't wait for Lost and also Deadwood, another HBO series, is starting on Prime soon. Here's an interesting interview with Dominic Monaghan, who fell into a bit of a depression after Lord of the Rings, but was saved by surfing. A part on one of the top-rating shows in the US can't have hurt either.

I guess Campbell's Gamble wasn't good enough for TV3 which is, according to the Sunday Star Times, having trouble deciding on a name for the 7pm John Campbell show. The paper asked an ad agency come up with a few others – including On the John – but feel free to make suggestions to Radiation. How about just The John? It has a certain Donald Trump feel to it. Or what about Marvellous? How about Flipside? No-one's using that these days. Dear God, please let the show be better than the confused nonsense on Close Up and please make the government ban those stupid phone polls that are really only a poll of the people who bothered ringing and were willing to spend the money.

Millsy writes that he saw a stage version of Mr Gormsby (which is being made into Seven Periods with Mr Gormsby for TV) some years ago and:

Quite frankly it was superb. One of the amazing things about it was that it entertained both a right winger like me and my very left wing friend. If they do it properly, it could be a breakout hit. But they will have to keep it's edge.

Don't forget there's some actual local drama starting this week – Mataku (TV1, Wednesday, 9.40pm). Extraordinary.

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