Public Address - Field Theory (Home)

Home and Away | Oct 03, 2008 14:24

Before I bitch about uniforms (it's Friday!) I would like to point out that TVNZ, TV3 and Sky seems to be doing something similar to what I suggested: jointly broadcasting the 2011 World Cup. While in reality my contribution was non-existent I'm still going to take some of the credit for it.

I really do have to rant at Canterbury and Adidas. First Canterbury decides to take its Wallabra concept to the cricket pitch with some god-awful design that ranks with some of the dumbest things New Zealand has worn over the years (though I suppose it's still never as bad as the stuff the Aussies wear).

(By the way I apologise that you have to click the links to see the pics. I tried embedding them but it didn't really work)

Beyond the robo-cleavage: that the fern logo looks like a corsage and you just know that grey side panel will be extended down the trousers. And I think we need to be clear on something, unless it's shiny, the colour on that uniform is grey not silver. Perhaps we need to send out the players in these. At least you know heat won't be a problem.

But Adidas wasn't going to be outdone. New Zealand's Super 14 teams will now have a home and away strip and Adidas sat down for what must have been a good five minutes before finally coming up with its designs (pictures of which were in the DomPost but don't seem to be online).

"Ok The Hurricanes what can we do here?"
"Hmmmm, why don't we take the yellow part and make it dark grey"
"Brilliant! Next!"

I'm actually all for home and away jerseys. Not only does it mean that uniforms colour clashes are less likely, it also gives dedicated followers of (rugby) fashion an extra option. Think you look fat in Otago navy, wear white. Don't look good in Western Force blue (and really, who does?) you can wear Western Force yellow (yes, the Western Force are the worst dressed team in the Super 14. I mean, black shorts? C'mon!). By the way all those people who say that fans will have to dip into their pockets for another $150 jersey are munters. If your team is playing in their road jersey or their home jersey they won't care what you're wearing as long as you're cheering for them (and I suppose that you aren't wearing the opposition colours).

But home and away strips also means you can do cool things like wear your away uni at home. And it also opens up the options for alternate uniforms. Alternate uniforms are crazy things. They can either be solid-colour oddities, interesting combos of shirt and shorts or they could be throwbacks.

The only New Zealand team that has worn throwback (as far as I know) is the Warriors who wore ten-year tribute unis. The best international team throwbacks may be the English football team's long-sleeved red jerseys with gold numbers. If anything would make me interested in English football, it's Peter Crouch in long sleeves.

Non-uniform item: I have just read that The Saveloy will replace Veitch on TVNZ. My opinion on this? It could've been worse, much much worse.

Ps. There will be second post from me today so expect his to disappear from the front page at some point

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Dancing in the Dark | Sep 30, 2008 13:26

The Superbowl halftime show is the stuff of legend and satire. Back in 2004 I sat in the lounge of my humble Wellington flat watching Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake dance about.

Jose was outside having a smoke and Jules was in the kitchen getting a hotdog. So I was the only one who saw Janet Jackson's breast "accidentally" fall out of her top.

The shot was so quickly changed and the dead air that followed made me wonder if I had actually seen it. I texted Dom. He had changed the channel and also did not see it.

That infamous publicity stunt by Jackson meant that MTV was never again allowed to produce the half time show and since 2004 the artists have been "safe", old and sans-breasts (well maybe old man boobs): U2, The Rolling Stones; Tom Petty; Prince: and Paul McCartney.

This year's old man is Bruce Springsteen. What is interesting is that people really haven't let go of the breast sighting. Stuff's article goes so far as to call it "televised smut". It was hardly smut, Timberlake didn't even sing "Dick in a Box".

Of course Springsteen will be good, but I agree with MJD: it will be the best show ever if, and only if, he pulls Courtenay Cox out of the audience during Dancin' in the Dark.

**************

How do you stop your opponents from stopping you? You do something random.

Now, not all sport allows for this strategy. For example you cannot just throw your racquet at your opponent in tennis, as effective as that might be. But in the set-piece style game of American Football a type of offence called A-11 allows for thousands of random plays.

In a standard formation with five fixed linemen, a play can unfold with 36 different scenarios for who receives the snap and who ends up with the ball… In the A-11 offense, because the receivers and linemen (and even quarterbacks) are interchangeable, the number of different possibilities for what can happen on a given play skyrockets to 16,632

This means the defence doesn't even know if the play is going to be run or pass after the ball is snapped because the runner might stop and pass.

Basically it's a signal to noise ratio.

Anything that adds permutations, but also adds mystery about pattern makes this more complicated to decipher

For example at the ruck in rugby there are very few options: pick run right, pick run left, pick run middle, kick over, kick left, kick right, pass left, pass right. However if you can disguise your options somehow, then the defence will be on the back foot (for example the league-style kicks used a lot in rugby now).

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One man with 18 feeds | Sep 29, 2008 12:50

The last few times I've written about sport someone has complained that I haven't mentioned their favourite sport. What do you people want from me! I'm just one man!

Well, I do have a large number of sports feeds for the purpose of knowing all there is to know about sport (suggestions of new feeds are always welcome by the way), so here's my fisk of this mornings headlines.

The Singapore Grand Prix looked like something out of a Playstation. Filipe Massa had pole but blew his chances and Alonzo took the checkered flag.

I'm no fan of Alonzo, but I'm also no fan of Lewis Hamilton (mainly because he drives for McClaren – points off to the first person who calls McClaren a "kiwi team"). In fact I can't think of a F1 driver I actually have liked since Schumacher retired.

Sticking with speed: Haile Gebrselassie broke his own marathon world record on Sunday. He ran 2:03:59 in the Berlin Marathon (where he set the record last year). Maybe choosing to skip the Olympics paid off?

The Warriors lost to the Sea Eagles (the most retro of league teams narrowly pipping the Raiders). But they were not blanked unlike the Sharks. This means, by my calculation, the the Warriors are the third best team in the NRL. And we should all be stoked about that. Well everyone except Chris Rattue, shit he's a gloomy bugger.

The two best teams have made the NRL Grand Final and the pesky upstarts have been sent home. It should be a good game and I'm picking the Eagles to take it.

Quickly to the rugby where there were a few close, last minute victory/defeat/draw games: BoP 24 Southland 22; Taranaki 13 Counties-Manukau 13; Harbour 22, Auckland 29. But the most tense of these (though I suppose that has a lot to do with what team you support) was Wellington vs Tasman.

The Makos came in to town and were leading for a loooong time. I can imagine that various folk were feeling quite uncomfortable. But the shield is now safe and sound in Wellington until next season. Then, who knows…

And speaking of Tasman it looks like they (and Northland) get another bite at the sweet, sweet cherry that is the Air New Zealand Cup. Richard Loe isn't happy about it though and he wants the head of Steve Tew. I assume he's talking figuratively.

There is a strange dichotomy here in that many feel that there needs to be a change in the Air NZ Cup but nobody wants to alter anything. For example Northland should be dropped due to poor form but should also be kept in because they have so much history in the game. New Zealand's first ever rugby match was played in Nelson but you don't hear people using that to defend Tasman. I am in favour of dropping two teams and then having a promotion-relegation match each year (we've discussed this before). I'm not really in favour of changing anything else (except maybe revenue sharing and a few of the uniforms).

The Canterbury Union would like to change the play-off system to be more like the McIntyre system in the NRL. They feel they've been hard done by after locking up the second spot and only receiving a home game for their troubles. It's hard to write this as I struggle through the tears I'm shedding for the Canterbury rugby union.

Just as an aside I saw a few Tasman supporters downtown on the weekend. Those new uniforms are really ugly. The patches aren't even sewn on; they are just printed onto the strange synthetic fabric. Ick! And sticking with my aside: Waikato don't seem to have Canterbury-made uniforms and still have a proper collar. Well done Waikato.

The Major League Baseball is getting to the crunch time (after hundreds of games, why does it always come down to the final week?). My Mets are now tied in the wild-card race for the National League with the Milwaukee Brewers (a team smart enough to name itself after beer) after the stupid Phillies won the division. Now I need the Chicago Cubs to beat the Brewers, which suddenly makes me a Cubs fan. Don't you love it when that happens?

I don't follow football (soccer). I find the Premiership to be dull and the Champion's League only just bearable. However, Hull beating Arsenal 2-1 is sweet. Arsène Wenger saying after the match that Arsenal "gave too much room to West Brom" is even sweeter.

And finally: the secret life of a water pistol assassin. I remember playing this at uni, I also remember being "taken out" as I left the cafeteria. This guy, however, takes it really seriously:

[Mr Deane] shaved the beard he wore for the picture his pursuer is carrying. He is considering borrowing a wheelchair to use as part of a disguise. By Friday evening, he had logged four kills; he was one of 16 players left. "I've been walking around like a crazy person," he said, "wondering when they're going to get me." His wife, who works promoting nightclubs, is very patient about the whole thing.

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Sports and: fashion | Sep 26, 2008 12:45

It's Friday and I'm starting a new tradition (heck the NZRU seem to be doing it why can't I?). Friday is going to be "Sports and…" day. So I'm starting today with Sports and fashion. Or to be more specific uniforms.

I am a big fan of uniforms. I love pouring over the little details and intricacies of the uniforms. I love throwbacks. I love seeing how new designers reinvent classic colour schemes. But most of all I love bitching and moaning when a uniform design sucks.

As such the Uni-Watch blog (and its associated ESPN column) is like mana from heaven. Strangely Paul Lukas, who writes Uni Watch, is very much against all black uniforms, making him no fan of our favourite team.

Friday is also "team day". It's the day you can wander into work wearing your sports affiliation proudly and expect to get absolutely no stick from anyone.

As I write this I'm wearing one of my three New York Mets t-shirts. This one is in royal blue with the classic Mets orange script (with black drop-shadow) and has "Santana" in radial arching across the back with "57" beneath. Every one of those aspects is important.

If the text wasn't radially arched it would be incorrect. If the text didn't have the drop-shadow it would be incorrect (though technically the shadow is a recent addition). Correctness is something that uniform purists (or perhaps pedants or even pendants) need to have.

Canterbury (the clothing brand not the province) has been very influential recently in creating some of the worst uniforms ever. Chief among these has been the invention of the Walla-bra. The Walla-bra is the section of "sticky" material that runs across the chest of the Wallabies uniform.

All international uniforms made by Canterbury seem to have this now and it is incredibly ugly. How ugly is it? It makes Bryan Habana look even more ridiculous.

The latest victim has been our own Dan Carter. His new team Perpignan have two strips with the Walla-bra: powder blue (good) and yellow and orange (bad).

Speaking of Canterbury, the Air New Zealand Cup has seen a lot of team with brand new Canterbury uniforms. And most of them are awful. However I do really like Auckland. They have a new strip with thinner stripes that give them more of a sailor/prisoner/Frenchman look.

Other teams have lost something. Wellington has lost their 8-ball on the collar because, well, there are no more collars. The big O of Otago has shrunk.

Actually I'm kind of annoyed at the boringness of the Canterbury uniforms. They look all "futuristic" I suppose, but they all look the same. The uniforms are too uniform. For example the Perpignan uniform is exactly the same as all of the ANZ Cup uni but in a garish yellow and orange. Boo Canterbury, booo!

Of the non-Canterbury international uniforms I am a big fan of the Samoan strip. They have traditional "tattoos" drawn onto the sleeves and lower back; the blue and white make for a good combo; and how can you hate those socks? Now if they can just change that font.

Overall though, you can't go past old uniforms (throwbacks) for class.

Despite the disputed date of the photo look at the clean lines of these uniforms. Note that there are no patches, no logos, no advertising clutter. The traditional square for the uni-number always seemed strange to me but it works better when the uniforms are clean of the other distractions. For the French team, notice that they have no crest on their chest, those are only worn in international tests. Also they have tri-colour socks (compare to this shot where the tri-colour is in stripes at the top).

And of course it's nothing like what the two teams wear now.

I bashed the long-sleeved gold uniforms of the Australians a while ago and I stand by that. It's clear the forwards didn't like the long sleeves as they had rolled them up. And the shirts were the same colour as the ball! Surely that's cheating. Actually in this shot you can see that the ball even has "Wallaby" written on it, how was that fair?

The worst uniforms in New Zealand sport are usually worn by our cricketers though. We love the retro-ness of the beige and even the weird grey, blue, red and green thing. But quite frankly there have been some hideous things worn on the cricket pitch, and usually by the Australians. Speaking of cricket uniforms, luckily they don't need to be fire-proof, yet.

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