Public Address - Radiation (Home)

ER is the new Coronation Street | Jun 21, 2004 15:47

Alex Kingston might have been complaining recently that she's being shoved off ER for being too old, but she didn't sound that peeved about it way back in February when I interviewed her. She should be counting her blessings anyway -- I know ER is one of our top raters, but god, it's gotten dull.

I don't know why I bother with it really. I think it's like my Coronation Street, which I don't watch; it's a soap. In fact, I missed it last week and, funnily enough, my life wasn't in any way different. There was no sense of loss.

We can't tell here, but in the US shows always do something exciting and big budget for the "May Sweeps" ratings period (it's the same way you'll see those crappy adds for radio stations on TV here – it's because they're in a ratings spell). Generally, that means someone dies or is seriously injured on ER (remember when Carter and Lucy got stabbed?). This year it was Romano, who got squashed under a helicopter, a real shame. In fact, he was treated badly all round – they could have kept on having scenery-chewing fun with Romano, made him fall in love with a hippy or something, but no, first it was dismemberment and then death by helicopter. They got rid of redneck desk clerk Frank recently too, but not without some redemption first. Ho hum.

If you really like reality TV, you'll be pleased to know that TV3 is going to show not only The Swan, an extreme makeover-type show where the makeoverees get to compete in a beauty competition at the end, but My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé as well. An internet campaign was launched against the former. This website has all you ever need to know about reality shows. Enjoy.

If you really like cop shows, you'll be pleased to know that Dick Wolf is adding to his stable of Law & Order spin-offs. Law & Order: Trial By Jury is set for early next year in the US. He told Entertainment Weekly that Law & Order is a brand, while CSI, which spinning-off as hard as it can too, is a franchise. Yes, Obi-Wan, I can see the difference.

Eschewing the usual television experience, I actually went to the rugby on the weekend, which was slightly surreal, at least at first – where's the replays from 10 different angles? Where's the half-time stats? Where's Murray Mexted's malapropisms? There are certain things about going to a game that you can guarantee: there'll always be one idiot with one joke who keeps yelling it out throughout the entire game – in our case, it was a continual exhortation for England to "Go for the field goal"; there'll always be someone wearing a "Bring Back the Biff" T-shirt – actually, someone in our party; and, in a crowd of 45,000 people, you'll always meet someone you know (we did, under the stand). Clive Woodward cannot be serious when he said he thought England were still the better team.

Before you start getting all worried that I'm going the way of Russell Brown; don't. I'm a main event kinda gal. Tests and finals.

General agreement on The Cuteness of Sarah Ulmer, and one nomination for Suzy Cato, although isn't there a slight icky side to lusting after a children's TV presenter? I'm warming to Kelly Swanson Roe after she described a runner's long-legged tights on Sportzah! as "budgie smugglers".

I haven't been getting a Letterman list from Prime lately; but in any case, there's no Letterman from now until the 5th July due to Prime's overnight coverage of Wimbledon.

Lastly, as a complete digression, does SJD have a small son who likes to wear a Superman costume? "Superman you're crying/Superman, you need a rest …" Just wondering.

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The Cuteness | Jun 10, 2004 10:12

Just as Keanu Reeves is The Coolness and Dominic Bowden is The Domness, Sarah Ulmer is – ask any straight man you know – The Cuteness. All over New Zealand, whenever TC's well fit personage appears on telly, there are guys chorusing in unison: "God she's cute." It's a known fact.

And you know what? You just can't argue. You might get slightly sick of it, but dammit, she just is. And respect due to her as well for politely telling Sunday's interviewer to get lost when she asked about Sarah and her boyfriend/trainer's relationship. Has she ever eaten a McDonald's burger though?

Alias finished last week, not that anyone noticed. We're well behind the US, season three just finished there, and season four has been ordered. Television Without Pity has the funniest recaps – and see where all that obsessive snarkiness and rum drinking gets you? A gig on the DVDs, doing commentary for the season three opener.

A desperate Radiation reader wonders if anyone has a tape of The Secret Life of Us from last week – that's June 1 – and would be willing to share. Contact me in confidence, your details are safe in my large and capable hands. Sorry this has taken so long, I've been (gasp!) working in an office, which makes me feel thoroughly disconnected from the world. No radio, no time for internet fun, no nicking off for a game of tennis. Not as disconnected as I felt after seeing Elephant on the weekend though.

Also, very sorry for the Mark Burnett story link that had a Survivor spoiler. D'oh! It didn't even register to be honest because, as you know, I hate that shit. However, should you actually like that shit, you'll be happy to hear that TV3 has a three-hour long finale scheduled in a couple of week's time.

Is anyone else on the edge of their seat watching State of Play? It's fantastically unpredictable. I think I'm slightly in love with John Simm, but nevertheless, what a script: "It's not a story, it's a case," said the top copper to Simm's Cal this week. And there it is: the difference between the press and the police right there. And Bill Nighy's great as the editor; he was again the best thing in that other pile of doggy doo I rented, Underworld. Another senseless waste of eight bucks. I mean, I like a good gothic horror vampire fantasy as much as the next gal, but really. I think I'm suffering from Poor DVD Choice Syndrome. Speaking of gothic vampire fantasy etc, here's another writer who's Found Buffy. Heh. If you want to be truly fangeeky, here's the academic bastion of all that is Buffy, slayage.tv.

Sarah has the full-on warm fuzzies for Eating Media Lunch:

Of course TVNZ has been inundated by complaints about Eating Media Lunch's killing of the mock-Shrek sheep on camera. It was funny. It was clever. It was biting satire at its best. And it obviously wasn't the real Shrek. Reminiscent of the fantastic Simpsons episode in which Lisa went on the class trip to the abattoir, I found it no more gory or violent than any random episode of Nip/Tuck. Not only did EML's segment take the piss out of the endless coverage of that damn sheep, it also showed meat eaters where that tasty flesh really comes from and delivered a nice little dig about the fleeting nature of television celebrity. Is Paul Casserly the cleverest TV writer in NZ today?

Ah yes, I was glad to see Shrek getting his chips. I'd be glad to see Shrek with chips. And Celebrity Dog Bum Stare is goer, surely. Maybe something for Touchdown? Matt Nippert also has this to say about EML.

According to the promo for State of the Nation, it's a debate that we need to have; funny though, I thought the Kiwi way was to ignore something until it went away. I'm looking forward to it. No, really.

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The Domness | Jun 01, 2004 23:28

Just as Keanu Reeves is The Coolness, I've decided that Dominic Bowden is The Domness. He is the blank slate onto which we can project anything. He is The Dominator, he is everywhere, we believe everything he says. He should be, therefore, reading the news.

Or perhaps on Holmes, god knows he asks equally stupid questions. I can see him on Breakfast, making unfunny banter with Ali. Rumours will start about them, they will be forced to go to the women's magazines. There he is on Sunday, with his serious face. Or what about Fair Go? Running at rip-off merchants with his mike cord trailing. He'll be everywhere; it'll be like that ad where Joel Tobeck plays everyone at the posh shopping plaza. In fact, I'm sure The Dom did a skit like that on Space. See what I mean?

He is One-Take Dom. During National Anthem he fluffed his lines, at most, twice. Mere trifles compared with the other hosts, who should have left their party pills at home. They needed some pointers from The Domness.

There were a few crap bands on National Anthem, which made it all the more fun. Wellington surely is the place that reggae goes to die – and just why exactly does anyone form a ska band? Particular highlight: the International Telepaths, a guitarist and drummer who were playing completely different songs. I think it was their way of saying "Fuck you!"

Still enjoying The Apprentice? I'm hoping for a "making of" where they explain the special effect that is The Don's hairdo. Here's a fascinating interview with Mark Burnett, the King of Reality, the producer of Survivor and The Apprentice, who explains that he is a huge fan of Joseph Campbell and that Survivor uses archetypal symbols of death and rebirth. Dude, that's just cold. And manipulative. I'm urging you to stand firm. Must. Resist. The Brits might be falling out of love with them, according to this story in The Guardian, although I tend to think reality shows are the same as other shows in that respect: some flop, some don't.

And now we turn to the mailbag, and Radiation welcomes Marion Hobbs (crikey!) who writes that "Love Actually is great on a long long plane flight, when you are avoiding reading the work papers that make up your hand luggage."

Andrew Dubber writes that "The sound that Jake 2.0's nanobots make when he goes into super-hyper mode are getting on my wick. It's like a drum and bass remix of Steve Austin's bionic noise -- and even he had more than one of those." That is definitely a very silly programme and that cod-Matrix sound is definitely very annoying.

And Samuel Walker says: "Here's a thought. What kind of moron would programme Eating Media Lunch against State of Play? surely it doesn't take much lateral thought to realise they would appeal to the same people?"

I'm kinda liking The Insiders Guide to Happiness, despite the fact that it's failing to create any dramatic tension. Maybe that's the point. They're in Limbo. In Wellington.

And C4 is screening MTV show Pimp My Ride in a couple of weeks, which I mentioned a while back. Hey, it's gotta be better than Extreme Makeover.

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