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Posted at 10:14AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

I still find it rather weird that my partner's grand-neice and nephew call me 'Uncle Craig' which is bloody ageing.

My foster brother and his wife are in the process of adopting, and what's the proper honorific for that relationship: Foster uncle? That horrible man who keeps threatening to set fire to my head if I don't STFU? Present man?

Still, it is rather nice when strangers on the phone call me Miss or Mrs Watson. You take respect where you get it, even if it involves a same-sex marriage and auditory transgenderism. :)

Posted at 10:25AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

I always feel a little shocked when telemarketers et al address me as "Mrs <last name>". I didn't change my name n marriage, so "Mrs <last name>" sounds like my mother to me.

I prefer not to use a title at all, but for those occasions when one really is required, I recommend getting a PhD. Solves the title problem quite nicely.

Posted at 10:32AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

I asked my uncle when I was knee high... if he wants me to call him Uncle...? He said I'm not gonna call you nephew..., so don't worry.
Furthermore as a kid I ran around with a few Quakers who had a dislike for any titles.
Then there is the whole Mrs/Ms/Miss (even Mdm now), that got a few nickers in a twist. When I was in customer service roles the newly born again feminists never seemed to hear the option of Ms given to them and were proud to declare their choice of Ms against their perceived patricacle oppressor.

Posted at 10:35AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

Family friend is officially "Mr" she has an M.D. and now as a surgeon qualifies for a gender reasignment by proxy.

Posted at 10:41AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

My wife and I have different last names - telemarketers who address me as "'Mr Levitt?" get the "he doesn't live here any more, I kicked him out when I moved in" response - floors them every time

I too had a friend who talked of his parents by their first names (he still does) as a kid back in the late sixties I was floored by this - My wife and I have deliberately never referred to each other in front of our kids with other than our first names they went through a couple of periods as little kids where they did too, we didn't correct them or complain - eventually we became "Mum" and "Dad" which seems to have stuck

Posted at 10:48AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

One of the reasons that I liked Onslow College was that we had a mix of teachers on first name basis and last name basis, it just depended on their personality.

I'm so glad not to be in the phone book anymore so that now I don't have flatmates disturbing me by not clicking straight away that anyone asking for a "Mr or Mrs. McLeod" is obviously a telemarketer.

Being called Miss McLeod makes me think of teachers when I was in trouble, but I love being called Miss Hubris.

Posted at 10:49AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

Not only are we deeply saddened by the fact that our very own Nathanial Pipe-Blower [Tzar and 33rd degree Grand Wizard master of the first Inverted Pancake lodge of the totally Awesome Flat Earth Society Ltd]

Damn, there's a title to covet.

Posted at 10:58AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

I had an uncomfortable bit of a while when meeting my partner's nephews for the first time. They all address their grandparents and other adults by their first names. It took a bit of getting used to.

In my family, everyone has always had a title (when quite small, for some reason, I couldn't even deal with calling an older rarely seen second cousin by his first name so he became Uncle Stan) - and I was always of the understanding that it was to show respect.

As a result of the minor upset, I came to the conclusion that respect is so much more than title related (so far as families go, in any event; not sure how I'd get on calling a Judge by his or her first name in a formal situation). To me, it's more something shown or how something is said rather than some appendage to a name.

After all, the only name I really 'own' is Kim. (Wilson is my father's surname.)

Posted at 11:03AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

O Tempora, o mores!

And I am so used to "I am Leo Bloom, but you may call me Sir*."

It may be hopelessly old-fashioned but I prefer a Mr approach from a complete stranger** rather than the slimy first-name approach of a salesman who dosent know you from a bar of soap but is hoping to flog off some shonky insurance.

Only genuine friends or colleagues get first name treatment.

Ditto with politicians who obviously hate each others' guts but insist on using first names to and about each other...

*Interesting that supposedly more laid-back Americans use the Sir as an article of address far more than we do.
**Cold call telemarketers on the other hand still get the reponse "Mr Bloom? he dead", which may get me knocked off their list (I hope)

Posted at 11:03AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

(Wilson is my father's surname.)

Wow - interesting. And "Wilson" was (presumably) his father's surname. None of us really "own" our surname.

My brother in law seriously considered taking his wife's surname (never having known his father who abandoned him, he felt no connection with the guy).

Only thing that stopped him was that his wife's surname was truly godawful sounding. So godawful I feel obliged not to reveal it.

Posted at 11:05AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

Is it just me, or does anyone else get the sense that referring to someone by their first name when you don't need to ("Thanks, Bob" as opposed to just "Thanks") has a bit of a superior to inferior tone?

I noticed it when a 4 year old I know politely thanked the guy who brought him his fluffy (we're on first name basis with our baristas). I can't work out whether my reaction was from hearing a kid call an adult by his first name, or just the way a name is used in a sentence.

Nobody other than telemarketers calls me Mrs Jones - either she's not there, or she gives them a lecture on her preferred title.

Posted at 11:08AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

Everyone in my wife's family has Phds - using formal titles would be confusing

Having a unique name is IMHO a good thing: A few years ago while living in San Francisco my wife started receiving mail for another "Lisa Levitt", we got phone calls too "is that Lisa Levitt? the one who's father is Gene Levitt? the psychologist?" turns out there was another Lisa in town, her dad was also Dr Eugene Levitt, both were psychologists teaching at universities - and both had been getting each others mail for years it's a small world.

Back in the '80s I was the only "Paul Campbell" on the internet now I'm one of 1000s

We gave our kids both our surnames hyphenated - we felt it was a bit of a cop out at the time - but they are, AFAIK, the only "Levitt-Campbell"s on the planet - now I'm very glad we did it

Posted at 11:17AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

My friend's son refers to me as "Uncle" as is the Chinese fashion and I like the sound of that. However my actual nephews and neices call me by my first name and I also like that. Admittedly the blood rellies are almost adults.

And, Kim

After all, the only name I really 'own' is Kim. (Wilson is my father's surname.)

Do you own a name if it was "forced" on you by your parents? Feel free to take proper ownership by giving yourself a new first name. Avoid monikers that can be mistaken for body parts that are normally covered up in genteel social settings.

Personally, I like the surname as a "sense-of-belonging-to-a-greater-whanau" concept. Not so much for the Hitler family though...

Posted at 11:21AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

Cold call telemarketers on the other hand still get the reponse "Mr Bloom? he dead", which may get me knocked off their list (I hope)

Excellent, I shall do that the next time someone phones and calls me "Mrs Partner'ssurname". Certainly being asked to be put on Slingshot's do not call list four times hasn't worked.

One thing about kids calling their teachers by 'title surname'. Kids can't distinguish between the different female titles. All the teachers just get this slushy thing somewhere between 'miss' and missus'.

Posted at 11:24AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

supposedly more laid-back Americans

Americans are often more hierarchical than we are, I think. I called all of my professors in grad school in the USA 'Dr <surname>'. In southern Louisiana, particularly, it's expected that you will call any older adult 'Miss <first name>' or 'Mr <first name>', particularly if they are your in-laws. (That's another Cajun thing, as my Texan husband never does it. Regional variations abound, clearly.)

Posted at 11:26AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

Do you own a name if it was "forced" on you by your parents? Feel free to take proper ownership by giving yourself a new first name.

My sister went through some sort of re-evaluation of her name as part of her finding-my-identity stage as an adult. She went from spelling it as Fiona to Ffyona, as a reclamation I guess. Which must mean she has to spell it for everyone when she gives it to them.

We gave our kids both our surnames hyphenated - we felt it was a bit of a cop out at the time - but they are, AFAIK, the only "Levitt-Campbell"s on the planet - now I'm very glad we did it

For my first child I agreed he could just have his mother's surname, as she was opposed to hyphenated names, and I've regretted it since really. My second child has a hyphenated name (different mother) which is much more satisfactory.

Posted at 11:34AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

My sister spurned the hyphen for her kids, she gave them both "Llewellyn" as a middle name.

Posted at 11:42AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

My sister spurned the hyphen for her kids, she gave them both "Llewellyn" as a middle name.

We did this too. Only with 'Hart', not Llewellyn, because that would have been odd.

Posted at 11:48AM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

Even "Mr Smith" was unacceptably familiar at my school: it was "Sir", and a detention if you didn't. The more radical teachers were the ones who addressed you by your first name. It wasn't quite "Jones minor! Stop that right now, you horrible little oik!", but it was close.

In contrast, I now know hardly anyone who'd address other people with honorifics rather than first names, with the odd exception of doctors and the like.

Posted at 12:12PM on 8 May 08. Permalink.

I only use titles if it's a little funny, like my mate Mr Mann, said in the style of "you da Man".

All profs & M.D.s are 1st name only.

A running family joke is the link to nobility and disputes as to whether Baron(ess) or Count(ess) are appropriate. The latter is always favoured by some, along with the Kiwi accents omited vowels.